It’d be really great if I never screwed up in a particular area after I learned a lesson. But alas, I’m a member of the human race. We’re really good at learning things and then forgetting them . . . and then relearning them and then forgetting them again. Maybe it’s because I’m praying so much more than I had before, But God keeps showing me more and more areas where I live for myself rather than Him, or areas where I doubt Him, or areas where I try to earn His love, you get the idea. I’d love to say that once He prods this weakness I recognize it, deal with it, and never struggle with it again.
But, as I said, I’m human. I think yesterday I repented of the same issue like five times. God’s working in me. While I’d love to say I love Him perfectly, I’m still just a broken human being. But I’m saved by grace. These struggles no longer define me, and they no longer own me. Though I know going forward I will sin again and again and again (an idea that breaks my heart), those failures aren’t strong enough to deter God’s love. My successes were never what drew it.
That’s what’s so freeing about the idea of grace. I have a tendency to beat myself up for each sin I commit. While it is certainly good to feel remorse for sin, I can rest in the fact that I don’t have to earn God’s love. It is freely given, regardless of our worthiness. Let’s not forget that.
“he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,” – Ephesians 1:5-7